有花堪折直须折，莫待无花空折枝

留给自己的回忆

2010-01-17T07:43:00.002+11:00

这两天看了蜗居又看奋斗，心里总是一揪一揪的疼，忘不了，还是忘不了往日的种种。有时候真恨不得把自己的心挖出来，一遍一遍的洗，洗掉那些心痛的回忆。之前一直反反复复，没有结果，索性断了联系，再无牵挂。可是为什么，为什么还是那么期待他的声音，我知道，他是真的放手了，再也不会回到我的身边了。夜里睡不着，一遍一遍的告诉自己，结束了，都结束了。却又控制不住的想要知道，他过得好不好，有没有像我一样在漫漫长夜中因思念而夜不能寐，可是这一切都不会再有回音了。梦中他联系了我，我竟是那般欢喜，竟激动的说要陪他回日本。也许我是疯了，我不知道这样的日子还会有多久，我要给自己一个时间限制，30天，30天后，一定要勇敢的站起来。

say goodbye to my love, i should start a new life from now on

2009-12-29T12:41:00.001+11:00

爱一个人是一种习惯

你习惯他的呵护，习惯他的温柔，习惯他的淘气，习惯他的笑容
　　甚至在不知不觉中，你习惯用他的方式微笑，用他的方式温柔
　　你们彼此互相依赖，依赖着这甜蜜的习惯
　　每天固定的，你也习惯在特定时间听到电话铃声响起
　　或者是清晨你还在梦?　或者是你忙完一天回到家的深夜?
　　电话铃声响起，你用最温柔的声音期待着是他的回应
　　当传来的声音不是他时，你总是会有那么一点点的失望
　　因为对他甜蜜的习惯
　　然后有一天你们分手了，你难过、伤心、失望与不舍
　　因为你还是一样依赖着那习惯，
　　但是你却必须舍弃「习惯」的权利
　　你不再有权利习惯他的呵护、温柔、淘气与笑容
　　于是你有了新的习惯
　　你开始习惯想到他时流着眼泪及想着逝去的记忆
　　你开始习惯每天睡前不再有他的耳语
　　你开始习惯每天日落前站在窗前看着夕阳沉默不语

exciting

2009-10-17T13:59:00.002+11:00

my grandma is settled now, and i think she will back to home soon. I am very happy with this.
by the way, we finally decided to go to alice spring after exams, how exciting that is! spent a whole afternoon+ a whole night to organize everything, flights, accommodation. That's not a easy job, feel so exhausted, but very satisfactory as well. Can't wait the exam finish, hope we can depart tomorrow. but we know that's not gonna happen, next morning we wake up, we will still need to turn on the computer and start doing the past years!!!!

god bless I can pass the exam! don't want to spend one more year in uni.
Luke, be gentle to us, please.

sad

2009-10-14T21:09:00.002+11:00

Just called back, and find out my grandma admitted to hospital again today, still because of the AF. I am very depressed with this news, I really love my grandma, she raised me up and i spend nearly all my childhood with her. I can say she is one of the most important person in my life, if i can, i would like to suffer the disease instead of her. she is so tiny, i can't imaging she will have any extra energy to beat with the ugly disease. she was so robust through my memory, but now, I have to accept she is old, she is becoming delicate in health.

I love you, I miss you, i really want to be there for you.

conclusion

2009-10-14T19:00:00.002+11:00

Just finish my oral exam, was easier than i thought, Thanks to joyce and phyllis. Peter tenni is a good examiner, gave me a lot hint. overall, everything is better than i expected. Feel like to take a shower now and have a good sleep. ok, i am going, maybe write some more after i come back.

just get bored

2009-10-12T23:27:00.002+11:00

Still have many to go with my thick therapeutic notes. I quit my honours at the beginning of this semester and the reason was i can't handle the heavy work load. but ashamed, I didn't "study" at all through the whole semester. Now, i am still battling with therapeutic monster which i supposed to finish much earlier then this, and later, i will have more things to do, cause the exams are coming, not long to go, really, hope everything will be fine.

oh, well, my bad, now is the time back to the fighting with peter tenni

just some funny rubbish things, if you smile, then i achieve my goal

2009-10-12T23:13:00.001+11:00

1、近年来中国最精彩的写实小说，全文八个字：此地钱多人傻速来
　　据说是发自杭州市宝石山下一出租房的汇款单上的简短附言，是该按摩女给家乡妹妹汇款时随手涂鸦的，令无数专业作家汗颜！
　　2、最短的幽默小说《夜》
　　男：疼么？
　　女：恩！
　　男：算了？
　　女：别！
　　3、一次短篇小说大赛规定作品要涉及政治，宗教、性以及悬念。
　　结果得金奖的小说是这样的：上帝啊，女王怀孕了，谁干的？
　　4、世界最短科幻小说：最后一个地球人坐在家里，突然响起了敲门声。
　　5、世界最短恐怖小说：惊醒，身边躺着自己的尸体。
　　6、世界最短黑帮小说：穿上马甲，别让人认出来。
　　7、世界最短童话：癞蛤蟆娶到天鹅喽！
　　8、世界最短寓言：蚂蚁累死了，蚁后还那么胖。
　　9、爱情暴力小说：
　　题目《别每天纠缠着我要我负责任把孩子生下来然后结婚让你变成你老妈那样的女人》正文：“啪。”

若人生之如初见----愿得一心人，白首不相离

2009-10-11T15:46:00.004+11:00

卓文君，眉如远山、脸若芙蓉的女子，善琴，文采非凡。其父卓王孙将她许配给某一皇孙，未待成婚便匆匆辞世，故卓文君未出嫁便在家守寡。
　　司马相如，西汉有名的辞赋家，音乐家，家境贫寒，却以一曲《凤求凰》挑动了文君之心，于是雪夜私奔，当垆沽酒。
故事到这里，尚且是开始罢了。

这奇女子，有勇有谋，敢作敢为。只是慨叹，她遇到的男人，虽也不算太坏，但相较于她，黯然失色了许多。

与文君成婚以后，司马相如凭借着他的辞赋名扬天下，官运亨通，名利随之而来。可当功成名就的司马相如在长安城被封为中郎将时，他是想到她了，却是，休妻的念头。

饱暖思淫欲，古来皆如此。他，也不过是芸芸众生的一员罢了，怎可寄予厚望呢。

他派人送来信，信上只有“一二三四五六七八九十百千万”十三个大字。偏就没了——亿（忆）。

他的心，她岂是不懂。

曾经月夜琴挑，曾经当垆卖酒，一切的美丽往事，都抵不过他蠢蠢欲动的心。

她当即提笔回信。

一别之后
二地悬念
只说是三四月
又谁知五六年
七弦琴无心弹
八行书无可传
九连环从中折断
十里长亭望眼欲穿
百思想
千系念
万般无奈把郎怨

万言千语说不尽
百无聊赖十依栏
重九登高看孤雁
八月中秋月不圆
七月半烧香秉烛问苍天
六月伏天人人摇扇我心寒
五月石榴如火偏遇阵阵冷雨浇花端
四月枇杷未黄我欲对镜心意乱
急匆匆三月桃花随水转
飘零零二月风筝线几断
郎呀郎，巴不得下一世你为女来我做男

一二三四五六七八九十百千万，回环往复，有名的数字诗，不知相如收到这样的回信。是怎么的心情呢。是惊叹她的才情，还是为自己的移情而羞愧呢？或者，两者兼有之。

也不知文君写这回信时，是否后悔了呢？这，当年自己相中的男子啊，到底不能免俗。

司马相如有异心，文君以她的才情挽回。只是，这世间变心的男人多了，又有多少女子有她这般的才情，去挽回那段早已开始变质的爱情呢。陈阿娇，自是无才，只好千金买《长门赋》，可逝去的还是挽不回，倒是白白的把自己的伤口揭开，让世人看了去，论为茶余饭后的笑柄，成了冷宫弃妇的代表。

除了数字诗，文君还有另一首代表作《白头吟》。

据《西京杂记》记载：“司马相如将聘茂陵人女为妾，卓文君作《白头吟》以自绝，相如乃止”。

回正题，也有人说这《白头吟》并非文君所作。我非研究文学的学者，只是喜欢这《白头吟》，也爱文君的聪慧，暂且算是文君所作好了。

皑如山上雪，蛟若云间月。
闻君有两意，故来相决绝。
今日斗酒会，明旦沟水头。
躞蹀御沟上，沟水东西流。
凄凄复凄凄，嫁娶不须啼。
愿得一心人，白头不相离。
竹竿何袅袅，鱼尾何徙徙。
男儿重意气，何用钱刀为。

这诗写得刚柔并重，既有白头偕老的柔情，也不乏拂袖转身的勇气。许多年前，月夜私奔的那一刻，他就该了解她的性情，这样刚柔并重的女子。不似，她外表的柔弱。

若是，他是铁了心要离她而去，她也决不哭哭啼啼求他回心转意，从此沟水东西流，各奔东西，各不相欠。她也明确告诉他，她要的，不过是——愿得一心人，白首不相离。这便，足够了。

她本就是世间少有的奇女子，岂可与人共侍一夫？纵使是，生在那样一个男权社会。

女子，做到她这地步，可算修炼成精了。只是，不知有多少女子能有她这般的聪慧明见与勇气呢。

于丹也说，女子前二十年的美丽靠父母赐予，后二十年的漂亮则靠自己的修为。

正合了那句话。长得好，嫁得好，不若——经营得好。

change

2009-10-10T11:40:00.003+11:00

Things seem changed in my life, not because who is wrong, they are just simply, changed. Just like enzyme and substrate, a single little change in either one of them can break the whole system. To the things and the persons not fit me anymore, maybe i should just let them go. but life is not that easy and human is not that easy too. I can lie to anyone but not myself, I know i am not happy, i know i am not ready to let it go, things just never work out in this way. If i can get something which can erase my memory, i will pay everything i can to get it. Love is not a easy game at all, i lose, then i will get the penalty, i know.

too much food=>thinking?

2009-10-09T22:43:00.001+11:00

Had a very very very big dinner tonight, never thought hobart also have hot pot buffet. It was a nice dinner with some nice ppl. can't move now, not even just a step. Want to just lie down and not thinking about anything, maybe a good sleep is the best pill for my indigestion. But the oral exam is coming next week and I haven't start reading my notes. Too many brain things this semester, they are interesting, but the therapy is really complicate, to treat phobia, the best way is train them to facing the things they afraid, then why not treat psychosis by giving them more pressure, anyway, they are just to weak to face something, they need more competition to make them strong enough to suvive in this world.

spare time+comfortable life=psychosis and depression

some thing you can never sort out in your life or maybe particular stage, the best way to solve it is leave it, try to focus on other things, you may find it's easier for you.

Now is 11:02 PM, should i go to bed or study, a question last ever

haha, i've got my own blog now

2009-10-09T16:56:00.000+11:00

i think blog is a better site for me to yell out my feelings and some more personal things. I don't really like facebook, too much exposure to the public. maybe fun but not safe enough. but i am a kind of person lack of consistency, I hope i can keep renew it. hehe